If you’re squeamish, this post is not for you. But first, before we fall down the rabbit hole of yucky, let’s look at a cute photo of Chihuahuas.

Internet, the things I have done for these dogs. BECAUSE of these dogs. The atrocities simply do not end.

Last week, Nickels yakked all over the couch the other day and I realized that it was because he had eaten 3 Lego heads, 1 Lego antenna, some foil, and a Lego hand. Being the good mom that I am, I realized I had to rescue the Lego heads for Jude, so I promptly removed them and put them into the dishwasher.

Let me be clear. I just went through dog vomit to rescue Jude’s Legos. This means he must take REALLY GOOD CARE OF ME in my old age. Because OMG.

But! It goes on!

Years ago when our first chihuahua Mazie was still alive, we moaned and groaned because she was (deep breath) a poop eater. YES. A poop eater. And apparently Nickels and Coco are also (GAG) poop eaters as well. It’s like they think each other are their own treat machines. NO NO NO NO NO.

So Simon comes home from work and announces that someone at the office told him to sprinkle the poop with pepper and this will stop the fecal-eating behavior. I’m all for it. I mean, I sprinkle our pumpkins with cayenne pepper to keep the squirrels away, so surely this will work. So one of the puppies poops, and Simon yells, “GO GET THE PEPPER.”

But do we have regular old ground pepper? Of course not. All I have is a pepper grinder. So there I am, hovering over the poop, grinding the pepper like I’m a waitress at the Olive Garden. “Fresh cracked pepper anyone?” I caught a glimpse of Simon taking my picture with his iPhone and I threatened to murder him in his sleep. Now wasn’t that loving?

The ridiculousness does not end. For example, we noticed our vintage coffee table from an estate sale that has been repainted has tiny bite marks on the corners. Then I caught Nickels perched on one of  our Moroccan right at eye level with the corner of the table, gnawing away. NO! BAD DOG! But the worst of it? The fact that I caught him chewing on ALL FOUR CORNERS of our newly painted blue kitchen island. NO NO NO NO NO.

All I can say is, it’s a good thing they’re not golden retrievers. Because at this point the entire house would be destroyed.

Despite all the craziness, I do love these nutty little dogs. I needed some soft furry little creatures to love on, to fill the need to take care of something small and tiny. And they are beyond precious when we’re all snuggled up together on the couch watching a movie. ::sigh:: Love. It’s a crazy thing.