I thought it might be good to run away to Carlton Landing with my extended family so we could have some scheduled downtime together. Dad had only seen Carlton Landing once before on a daytrip when Archer was a newborn but this was time for a real actual getaway; he hadn’t been out of town in seven years, since Mom first got sick. We rented the house across from us for overflow and did nothing but take long walks, play games, and watch old movies. In other words, the perfect weekend.
Oh, dreamy Carlton Landing. I have a running joke with a few girlfriends that maybe we should run away there and become Doomsday Preppers because if the world really does go to Hell in a (hopefully cute?) Handbasket, we might as well spend our days in a happy and charming little lake community. It’s perfect and darling and peaceful there and that is where we should usher in The End of the World. (Naturally, it would be so much cuter than Regular Doomsday Prepping.)
(Side tangent: Praise the Lord for girlfriends, and for group texts on the iPhone. I would not have survived the season leading up to the election, the election itself, childbirth, child-rearing, and everything else in between. Our topics of conversation range from Dumb Things We See on the Internet to Can You Believe My Child Did This to Look At This Cute Shirt. This is, of course, baffling to all of our collective menfolk.)
A quick survey of the internet reveals that Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop is advocating Doomsday Prepping in her gift guide from last year, along with a really cute yurt (maybe we should invite her to CL – she is CLEARLY Our People now that she is not doing that macrobiotic stuff anymore)! Which means for the low low price of $300, she’s done all the hard work of gathering the needed dreary supplies like matches and water purification tablets, which leaves us to all the fun stuff, like stockpiling J. Crew sweaters, cute swimsuits (because community pool), tinted lip balm, and comfy chic sneakers.
Naturally we will need something to do as we Prep for Doom, and the current favorite idea is to raise pudus and possibly pygmy goats. Duties will also be designated depending on one’s unique skill set, including but not limited to Decorating, Cooking, Education, and Reading. And also Art-Making. And Hair Braiding. There will be sizable portions of the day dedicated to Educating The Children, Bicycle Riding, Caffeine Consumption, and Amazon Prime-ing. Any time left over at the end of the day can be given over to Petting the Pudus, the pygmy goats, and the Chihuahuas.
Archer, however, is suspicious (as always):