Things here and there
Welp. We’re officially on Baby Watch 2015. My doctor’s appointment this week confirmed that if I don’t go into labor, I’ll be scheduling my csection for this baby within a week and a half. But for some reason, my OB thinks I’ll go into labor beforehand, which is all so very exciting. I’m loving this, in a way – I felt so cheated out of this experience when Jude was born as early as he was. It was really hard for me to not feel as if my body had failed me in some way, and this has been a remarkably emotionally healing experience. We had ZERO mental preparation the last go-around, and so this time I feel like I’ve been focusing for this time in so many different ways. I am READY. Although, hehe, ask me how ready I feel when they roll me into the OR for the csection, ok? I retain my right to a last-minute freakout! I’m still nesting like crazy and have this running to-do list of things to accomplish. I think it helps that it’s January, and January always feels like a fresh start, doesn’t it?
In case you didn’t see the announcement, I closed up the shop after the holiday deadlines had passed and am planning on keeping it shut until March. Can I be honest? It kind of gave me hives to do that. Apparently if I’m going to get down to the nitty gritty, I LOVE being busy – and this is the first time I’ve taken such a long break in, oh, four or five years. It’s been tricky for me to purposefully back off of being a workaholic – the whole “fear of missing out” thing is REAL, isn’t it? Jen Hatmaker nailed it with her most recent post on awesomeness. Sometimes this whole blogging/creating/writing/internet thing can feel like a total rat race, despite all the wonderfulness it can bring. And in her words, she succinctly hammers the nail right in: “The finish line to this particular rat race is THE GRAVE.” Truth, my sister. It’s not easy to pull back sometimes, is it? I had someone else the other day ask why I didn’t just hire someone to keep the shop running. Which is a great question – and the answer is because I just don’t have the space in my brain to manage one more thing right now. So the thing I feel called to do is let it be for a bit. It will still be there when I come back.
So as I ease into 2015 with less on my plate work-wise (but more on my plate personally than ever before), I’m reminded of two things.
Number 1: I love writing and creating. I’m made to write, to create, to connect, to color my world. And sometimes I don’t get to do as much of that because I’m so busy running the biz side of things, which is not my favorite part. Part of what I want to do in 2015 is write like nobody’s reading – that’s when you get down to the good stuff. I have so many stories to tell, and sometimes I’m nervous or unsure about telling them.
Creating comes naturally to me. Especially as this baby is born, I’m also reminded that I love to create this place called “home” for my family. I’m feathering our nest on a daily basis, creating a soft place to land for when the world chews up my boys and spits them back out. There is value in that.
Number 2: Relish in the breaks, be it self-imposed or by outward forces. Breaks are so good. SO so good, especially for all you creative types like me who need silence or alone time, or maybe a refresh, or new inspiration or whatever it is. Revel in the break. Remember how powerful it is to be restored, refreshed, be made new. Find those things that remind you why you got into whatever it is you do in the first place. Feed your heart with them.
Here’s to the new year — I hope you’re filled to the brim with all the possibilities.
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