Last week Simon accompanied me to my now-weekly OB appointment where my darling doctor casually tossed out the statement “Yeah, I doubt you’ll make it to full-term.” Which managed to do a few things: (a) totally freak me out and (b) totally freak Simon out. Wait, aren’t we going to schedule the csection now? Can I get that on my calendar along with getting some highlights for my hair, pleaseandthankyouverymuch? I’ve never been this pregnant before and I certainly never went into labor with Jude, so all of this enormousness and discomfort and feeling as if the baby’s going to fall right on out of me at any given moment is totally new.

As the end nears, I’m overcome with a few different emotions: excitement (OMG! new baby to love!), totally sick of being pregnant (OMG! Eviction notice served NOW! I CANNOT TAKE ONE MORE MINUTE! GET OUT NOW) and naturally that is coupled with anxiety (OMG! Stay in there a little bit longer because I don’t know what to do with you!).  In fact, all my zen feelings of “we’ve totally got this/been there/done that” has been replaced with “wait a second. Just what were we thinking? What do we DO with a baby again?”  And then there’s the complete disgust of all my maternity clothes (who would like to join me for a bonfire in early February? Anyone?).

However nesting is probably in full swing as I’ve been completely overtaken by irrational needs to clean and purge. Over Christmas as I had the nastiest head cold, all of sudden I was overcome with the absolute need to go straight to Target that very day to buy organizing bins and trash bags. In a fit of hormonal nesting it was like all I could focus on was I MUST ORGANIZE THE COAT CLOSET.  Simon left the house earlier that day with me on my deathbed, and came home to Psycho Me, organizing toys, taking down the Christmas tree, and cleaning out our closet.

And then there is precious Jude. Christmas break went waaaay too fast, mostly due to me being sick for so much of it and not getting to do all the fun things I’d planned on. But we did get a few things in, like a special date night dinner with me and Simon to a fancy restaurant where we all shared steak and macaroni and cheese. Such a sweet boy. Then the next day I told him that we were going to Build A Bear where he could build a furry friend for the new baby, and in turn, the new baby (erm, and I) would build one for Jude. And ever since he’s held on to that bear like nobody’s business. It’s gone everywhere with us, and he is super excited to take the baby’s bear to him at the hospital.

In New York a few months back, I was harrumphing at Simon who kept referring to the trip as “the last big thing we’ll do with Jude.” Why was he freaking out so bad? And now, t-minus 1 month and counting to DDay, I totally get it. I have now entered that perilous emotional state all mothers of more-than-1 child apparently feel: the “what have I done to my precious firstborn and will he ever recover from the trauma of receiving another sibling?”  I’m now realizing how we only have a few short days left as a family of 3 and I’m fairly certain he’s feeling my anxiety as much as I’m feeling his.  Will he feel displaced? Will he feel abandoned? Will he ever understand what a marvelous gift he’s receiving in a new sibling?

And then there’s my overall anxiety about getting the baby out safe and sound and in one piece. Much like I talked about how fear has nipped at my heels this entire pregnancy, I find myself face-to-face with terrible stories reposted on FB of tragic stillbirths and birth defects. Why are there so many terrible stories out there about pregnancy?! My goal is to not read a thing negative at all and to keep peace as my focus.  All I want is this baby safely delivered and in my arms.

Top things that must happen before this baby comes out:

1.   A hair cut & color update. Mama’s roots be all kinds of crazy.
2.   Manicure/pedicure.
3.   Clean out the last bit of closets & drawers
4.   Drapery rod purchased.
5.   Drapes hung.
6.   Finish packing the hospital bag.
7.   Charge the camera.
8.   Schedule newborn pictures (is it too late?)

Did you have crazy nesting before you delivered? I love hearing other peoples’ stories!