It was probably about the end of September as we were hustling to get out the door in time for school when Jude moaned, “When do we get a break from school already?!” I was all, “I know, right?!” Because this whole hurry-hurry-hurry business five days a week is getting a leetle bit old already. Can I be honest? I mourn the loss of those easygoing preschool days where we could lounge around watching cartoons in the big bed until it was time to be at school by 8:45, and even then it was only 3 days a week.  There was tons of time to go to the movies when no one else was there, or explore the zoo. School means that we are locked in — committed.Time is more precious, and I feel myself fighting against the overwhelming cultural pull to schedule! those! kids! every! last! minute!  I’m increasingly interested in the concept of intentionally designing our days – saying no (and often!) to the things that don’t really matter, and adding enough margin to the day to allow us just to be.

So. Fall Break finally arrived yesterday and I was thrilled – and really, so was Jude. Yesterday was about getting out and doing something together, just the two of us like we used to. He didn’t want anyone else – just me. And I won’t lie – that felt pretty good. There was plenty of laying on the couch, movies, a trip to the park (after an aborted attempt to go to Pumpkinville – it doesn’t open til Saturday), winter clothes shopping (STOP GROWING, CHILD), and “cheese hamburgers” (as he calls them) from a favorite local spot.

I’ve missed my little shadow since school started. I miss his presence in the house, his funny questions, his sweet little red head bopping around. And I realize that I miss his babyhood. Those early hard days are getting easier to forget — all I remember are the good things. It’s just a slippery slope until I’m THAT old lady in the grocery store who’s teary and saying things to the frazzled young mom about how “these years go by so fast!”  And then the salesgirl at JCrew yesterday was all, “What?! Only one child? Aren’t you going to have anymore?” And then there I was, awkwardly divulging that we’d had four miscarriages. He may be the only one, but certainly not by our choice. And he is more precious to me every single day.