Last week we were chatting with Simon’s mom about granite countertops. She’s planning on updating their kitchen or maybe their master bathroom and Internet, it could be such a great makeover.  Anyway, we were sitting there and talking about what color she might get and Simon was all “Nope. Do NOT get the black granite. You will see ALL THE THINGS on it.”

And then it hit me.

There are things about a family that you cannot possibly understand until you have lived with them, amongst them, been baptized into their way of thinking and cultural norms. For the Shingleton family, one of these things is the Fear of Seeing the Dirt. At least, I think this is a Shingleton thing? It’s the only way I can explain Simon’s thought process, and I’m fairly certain I’ve witnessed his parents having these discussions with him too.

This fear manifests in numerous ways, but in our core family, this shows itself when there is a furniture, rug, fashion, or car purchase.

While perusing a pretty rug: “Can’t buy that one.”

“Why?”

“Because. It’ll show stains.”

“Uhhh…”

Internet, we have had this discussion 3,234,008,013 times.

While looking at a light colored handbag: “Oh, it’s going to look SO dirty.”

While buying a car that may be white, black or any  color other than the shade of dirt (beige): “Welp. That’s going to look dirty all the time.”

Then! When you have purchased the car the color of beige because it was such a steal and basically brand new, you will be highly praised for all time because YES. You have made an Anti-Dirt Decision. When your car is suitably soiled, everyone will applaud and say “LOOK HOW CLEAN IT LOOKS! YOU CANNOT EVEN SEE THE DIRT.”

The Fear of Seeing the Dirt (see also FOD – Fear of Dirt) means that you must must MUST buy the rubber floormats for your car. Yes, I am perfectly aware that your car came with floormats, but no. NO. BUY ADDITIONAL RUBBER FLOORMATS BECAUSE OF THE DIRT.

We laugh about these familial differences now, nearly 12 years into marriage,  and I legitimately am seeing the benefit of having rubber floormats (because #kids). And I’m convinced that we need to be telling newly engaged couples about marriage.

It boils down to this: your family never got rubber floor mats growing up, but his did.