Dear Martha,

You know I love you. I really do. Nobody does a party like you. Your pursuit of party perfection keeps me constantly inspired. I still read Martha Stewart Weddings, nearly three years past my own. However, we are now at an impass. As I perused your collection of crafts at Michaels, I was drawn to the gorgeous paper flowers for a certain somebody’s 40th Fiesta (Happy Birthday, E!). I was so enticed, I bought three packages of eight, in various colors, to hang from the ceiling of our outdoor party tent. But I  must admit, I am less than pleased with your attractively-packaged floral party decorations. Yes, yes, the girl on the package looks thrilled with her perfect party posies, but it is for this reason: 

She was not the one who assembled them.
And I have a feeling, Martha, neither did you.  Because knowing you as I do, had you assembled these yourself, heads would have rolled in the design department.

Martha, I was an art major. I know how to manipulate paper. And I can apply tape until the end of time. But it is only now, three hours and  twenty floral poufs later, that I could effectively describe to someone else how to assemble these. I encourage you to reassess.

Cordially,

RLS

P.S. As I now review your craft website, I notice that the floral poufs are no longer available via your website. Perhaps I am not the only one?