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Updates from the hospital & more

January_21__2017_at_1115AM

It’s been the weirdest week here. I’ve run the gamut of emotions: hope, despair, joy, anger, sadness, numbness. It’s a rollercoaster that, frankly, I would really like to get off of.

As for my mom, things remain the same. There were days where we really thought we’d be planning a funeral and then there have been days where we wonder if maybe she will pull through it. She’s a complex case thanks to autoimmune disorders, etc. and it’s been frustrating to see the doctors unable to come to a consensus on what to treat and how to treat it.

On Wednesday I went to my third Weight Watchers meeting. I stepped on the scale and I’ve lost a total of 6 pounds. I feel semi-crazy for sticking with it all during this crazy time, but at the same time it’s been so positive and encouraging, and I physically feel great. There’s so little that I can control right now, but I can control eating healthy and taking care of myself so I can take care of others.  I am letting myself continue on. I feel empowered and resolute.

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On Thursday I made the difficult decision that I’d been dreading all week to pull out of attending Alt Summit. It really broke my heart to email Gabrielle and say that I just couldn’t make it. She was beyond gracious and understanding. Alt has meant so much to me personally and professionally and I was so looking forward to it. And because it’s just been that kind of week, my new business cards arrived that same day and then I really sobbed. It wasn’t just about the conference or the business cards. It was … everything.

Friday, I stayed at home with Archer all day and it was a welcome break. I needed to snuggle my baby and take care of my people. Groceries, laundry, all those things that start to go by the wayside. A girlfriend brought lunch and we sat together, laughing about memories from high school.  Then on Saturday I went grocery shopping for my dad and made the drive out to their house. I have dreaded being at their house without her there. But on this particular sunny afternoon, I walked from room to room, inhaling the familiar smells of home. I saw the giant photo of the whole family that hangs over the fireplace. I saw the stacks of her things by her chair and I made their bed, fluffing my Dad’s pillow. Lines of bottles, face creams, lotions, hair stuff in her side of the master bathroom. Everything familiar and the same as it was when I lived there. And I felt peaceful, at ease.

It’s going to be okay. No matter what.

It is going to be okay.

 

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  • JamieSplendry

    Just wanted to say you’ve been on my mind all week! I’ve been through a few health scares with my dad recently and just yesterday was telling my husband I just don’t feel ready yet to deal with the reality of aging parents and decisions about doctors, etc. Of course, me being ready has no weight here, it’s just hard regardless of the timing. So glad you have such a wonderful family and support system for a time like this. I’ll keep your mom and family in my prayers!

    • Thank you so much — I TOTALLY understand the feeling of not being ready to deal with it yet. It’s foreign, to take over the role of caregiver to your parents. Hugs to you —

  • Erin Griffiths

    I seldom comment (maybe never?), but have been a reader and fan of your work for years (my phone still proudly wears a Pencil Shaving Studio case!). There’s no word yet to describe bloggers that you don’t technically know, but somehow end up finding a way into your heart nonetheless. It’s a one-sided relationship, so friend feels wrong, but acquaintance is too impersonal, especially since you have been so open, honest and real about the ups and downs of life over the years. But no matter the word, I have been thinking of and praying for you and your family since your last post. Watching our parents age and seeing them face struggles that are mostly out of our control is just so hard.

    • I can’t say thank you enough, both for being a longtime reader and supporter of PSS as well as the kind words. We are supremely thankful for the support. And! I love that your Pencil Shavings phone case is still rockin’! I have to say, I have yet to find any other phone case as durable. And I’ve looked at a TON! xoxo

  • So many prayers for you and your family.

  • René

    Hi Rachel,

    I check your blog weekly (okay, daily) and always enjoy reading about your daily adventures and the honesty you inflect in each post. Your mom and family have been in my thoughts, and I hope you are able to find some comfort in knowing that all of us out here in internet-land are supporting you. I was happy to see that you’re sticking with Weight Watchers despite this hard time, be proud!!

    • Thank you so much, Rene — we are so thankful for the support and good thoughts. And I really appreciate the kind words about WeightWatchers! 🙂

  • Bridget Wall

    Thinking positive thoughts for you and your family!

  • Monica

    You are amazing. You are gifted. God DID NOT give you a spirit of fear, but of POWER and LOVE, and a SOUND mind. You will make it trough. Keep the faith. Your parents must be so proud of your accomplishments just as you must be of them. Continued blessings to you!