It always starts off innocently enough. Eating a little more here and there, extra calories adding up. Maybe you’ve been stressed out or traveling. And then all of a sudden you’re standing in your closet in your underwear crying because your clothes aren’t fitting the way they used to.  You’re having to buy larger sizes than you previously were. And even those are a little snug. Oh dear.

Please raise your hand if this has been you. Because it’s me. Right now.

After several months of stress over infertility, the craziness of working, not to mention the schoolyear, my body was, well, less than happy. I’d put on some weight from infertility meds (YUCK), and I’ve been working to get my thyroid regulated as it’s also been outta whack. It kind of all came to a head in May when I decided I just couldn’t go forward with any more infertility treatment (for now) because I was in a huge, anxiety-ridden funk. I didn’t want to create anything, I didn’t want to do anything. So back to counseling I went, and finally my head and heart are in a better place about it all. I had to deal with the depression that was present because I had never acknowledged to myself that I’d had three miscarriages and how terrible that truly is. In other words, I went to what I like to call Emotional Bootcamp. Because counseling is exactly like having a personal trainer, except it’s for your feelings. There are some days you REALLY DON’T WANT TO GO WORK OUT YOUR FEELINGS, but after you do, you feel SO much better.

So. Emotions are healthy. That is good. Now what about my body?

I had a semi meltdown when I realized that not only were my clothes not fitting correctly, but that also I was dreading seeing photos of myself. I didn’t want to wear anything remotely form-fitting; hanging out in leggings and long unflattering tshirts was sounding pretty attractive.  And while it’s not like I’m morbidly obese or something, I’m not as healthy as I could be. Additionally, I started feeling the itch to get out and do something active – like my body was saying “Hey! I’ve got needs too, ya know! And it’s not just ice cream!”

Three years ago when I had my final surgery, I started running with the Couch to 5K program. I had had zero interest in running prior to this, but I realized that I was itching to get active again after having spent the previous 4 years being insanely sick. You’d never describe me as athletic, but something happened to me about midway through that program. I actually liked it. And beyond that, I liked that it wasn’t about being in a gym class full of other sweaty people, feeling like I didn’t measure up. It was me versus me. That was it. I was pushing myself to do better and better — it was paying off, but not just in the physical sense; I loved how it made me feel about myself.

And I want that back.

Over the past week, I started thinking. If I believe in my gut that I am capable of (1) doing hard things, and (2) encouraging others, why can’t I do the same thing for myself? Why can’t I encourage myself to make some changes? I want to be my own personal cheerleader to do hard things that really pay off. It’s taking the first step that really is the hardest.  But like that old adage, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”  A plan is absolutely necessary so you can get rid of any excuses along the way. Because I know myself – I KNOW I will have excuses!

So here’s my plan of attack, put together from my first Couch to 5K experience.

1. Buy good running shoes.

This weekend Jude and I went to Red Coyote and I got fitted for another pair of running shoes. My first pair that I purchased 3 years ago had seen better days and my feet were starting to hurt in them. I believe that running shoes appropriate to the way you run are vital, as are good socks.

2. Have a booty-shaking playlist on your iPod/iPhone/etc.

Guys, I won’t lie – when it comes to music to get me moving, I’ve gotta have something that makes me want to get up and dance. Booty dance (somewhere my Dad is DYING reading this. Sorry Dad). I want it loud, thumpy, and vaguely inappropriate.  Have it ready and queued up in a playlist so you don’t have to mess around with it to get going.

3. Take your measurements/weight/whatever.

I absolutely love looking at stats (hello, Google Analytics!), so I took my measurements and I plan to re-measure again one month from now. I don’t want to obsess over them by any means, but it’s motivation to keep going. Currently my stats are as follows: